School, home & future update.

SCHOOL
I had never felt so depressed in my life!(or at least since last April) I've gotten even more sleep deprived lately, having less than 6 hours of sleep every night (now this is not a chance for you to start nagging on me trying to sleep early; it simply does not work, especially nowadays when my head is loaded with problems). Again, I'm stuck-in-a-rut, with the same old routine repeating everyday, every week (and that is including waking up the same time everyday sleepyheaded). Every CLB lesson I have to put up with toxic people such as Darryl, and my former good friends Wilson and Marcus. And just yesterday it shocked me when I was informed of my absence from the remedial that I was supposed to go when I thought it was cancelled. I'M SO FED UP! Luckily, the Mid Year Exams has now come to mark the end of the Term 2 cycle. And hopefully, after posting 2 suggestion forms, life will be more tolerable in Term 3, and also hopefully the results of the Mid Year Exams will be positive.

Recently, my school announced that the trip they organised to Japan was cancelled, understandably due to the H1N1 virus and financial issues. Though a little disappointed as I won't be sitting in a plane and speaking Japanese, there are some positive sides to be considered. I am now able go to the Polytechnic Experience Program. I can change languages to learn that are more useful now. Also, I don't have to argue with my father over another trival matter. And as a replacement, the Principal let us give suggestions as an alternative to the Japan trip, to curb the disappointment. So now I have a win-win situation, but I don't know what others might be thinking.

HOME
I want to leave my house. But where to? If I have a home of my own, or at least sponsored with the approval of all the owners of their homes, I would have moved out long time ago. I have a father who is so traditional, unreasonable, stubborn, and unskilled in parenting that the quarreling I had with him 2 nights ago drove me crazy. How bad is he? To the extent that my tuition teachers, past and present, say he is paranoid, and even my school counsellor, 'way beyond help'. Details can only be discussed face-to-face or via email, so contact me if you want to know more. What about my sister? She is such a queen in the house, doing whatever she wants to inconvenience me and my brother. For about SEVEN YEARS, we had a dispute over her using my cabinet to store her clothes and using my bathroom, even though there is a cabinet in her own room and other toilets in the house she can use. The cabinet in the room that I currently share with my brother was a mixture of male and female clothings, from underwear/bra to jackets, and I find it disgusting. The bathroom is overused to the point that the shower broke down thrice since we moved in, the toilet bowl, twice, and the lights, uncountable. YET my sister and my unreasonable father who sides her (because of the obvious attention he gives her rather than to us brothers) refused to change or do anything about it (except maybe get the toilet fixed numerous times), until I moved out all her toiletries and clothes 2 days ago, which sparked the argument. And again yesterday, she took out my mp3 when it was still charging clumsily, causing my mp3 to go haywire for 2 days. Then had another argument. Wow you won't believe how crazy I became. This has happened for many years already, and I'm EXTREMELY SICK AND TIRED of this nonsense. I can still remember crying in Disneyland California in December 2007, and yes, it's the same culprit. So now I don't want to travel with my family anymore. When will it all come to an end? When I leave the house. Just that now there's technically nowhere to go to, except some of my friend's empty rooms...

Just last week, after anticipating the arrival of my American cousin, Sasha, into Singapore, which is scheduled to be on the 14th of May, next Thursday, on United Airlines,flight UA 895, from Chicago via Hong Kong, at 2335 hours, her mother told me she will be here only for an internship, which is fine to me, although it is difficult to schedule trips to Malaysia this June Holidays, when I would take her around to experience Malaysian life. Then she said Sasha will stay with her paternal cousins, so I thought, okay, that's fine if she shares her time between us (as her maternal cousins) and them. But then I became completely shocked when she said she's not planning to stay with us at all, except maybe over the weekends. WHY!? I may have given up being selfish to her paternal relatives many years ago, but this time THEY are being selfish! This is ABSURD! Their condominium is KILOMETRES away from the nearest MRT station, compared to my house, which is only about 300m from the new Lorong Chuan Station, set to open this 28th May. I'm honestly very upset with their "adults' decision", so I feel like giving it all up. In fact, if I'm angry, I'll pretend she didn't come to Singapore at all. This is really disappointing, and it's just like the difference between the exciting "SASHA'S FINALLY COMING TO SINGAPORE!!! YAY!!!" and the undeterred "Sasha's coming? So what?"

FUTURE
There is a possibility (how small or big it is, I don't know) that I won't do so well in my O Level Exams, so I have a few backup plans, that is, prestigious private schools like MDIS and APMI/Kaplan. They have programs like A Levels, Diploma, Bachelor Degrees and even repeating O Levels, which follows their own timetable. I am already interested in some of the programs, but because this is less well known, I don't know what is the culture like, so it's a little scary. For now, I can only do research in their websites to learn more. But let's just wait till the end of O Levels, because my grades may still be able to make it into the Polytechnic course of my choice.

As for studying in overseas in the future, I've decided to narrow down to studying in only these 6 cities that I know very well: New York City, San Francisco, Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, and Paris. Only then I choose a university from there, which I know each of these cities have at least 2 prestigious universities to choose from. I want to avoid the universities in rural areas and other small towns, because the culture and security situation (especially the American gun culture) is more unpredictable there.I have a very good impression with these 6 cities, that I will most likely have a good time there (if not, I can always move out). After graduating, since it is very difficult to secure an American Work Visa, I have little choice but to move/stay in Toronto, only then I can holiday in USA from there.

Here is another song to 'sing my sorrows', this time in English: