I thought when the Mid Year Exams are over, the Term 2 cycle is complete and I can put aside academic worries for a while, refresh my brain's energy, and let myself to rest mentally. I also thought the school recognises that when they planned the final week of Term 2. Never did I think that those plans were actually meaning something else, and thus my OUTRAGE BURNED ME OUT! You cannot imagine HOW FURIOUS I BECAME when the teachers told me that firstly, even if I'm not participating in the Mother Tongue Intensive Program, I still have to come to school (painfully) and then 'give me some work to do', which is actually just idling around. And we'll (students of Higher Chinese and Chinese 'B') have to idle around for SEVEN HOURS A DAY, 3 DAYS IN A ROW, just because they need to 'go according to the rules and regulations'! You tell me, do we gain anything out of it? The worksheets that they give are better off for studying at home, and seriously, for 7 hours, we can spend the time doing better things, even if you talk academically-wise. And we can use the time to catch up with our sleep, something I didn't manage to get since March till the end of the exams. Furthermore, did they learn anything from the movie 'I Not Stupid 2', not to always 'go according to the rules and regulations', and to be more humaine to us? I'm telling you, this is where all the schools in Singapore must 'wake up'. Foreigners comment on how rigid Singapore school life is. I heard from a friend that someone in my school, who dropped to the Normal-Academic Stream from Express, was so fed up of the people and life here (just like me), that she screamed her way out of school. This friend who told me that is also not very happy in school, telling me that 'the grass is greener in the future, not the other side of the world', and also I'm not alone. Even a drama in Singapore (My School Daze) as well as other previous dramas and movies highlighted the latest pressures faced by Singaporean students, and yet who would know the teachers will learn something out of it and think "it's just a drama/movie". Please tell me, do the teachers really spare a thought in their hearts for those students who are outcasted, independant-minded, depressed, and/or sad? You can tell me, ' to train you for army', 'to instill discipline in you', 'so that when you go out to work...blah blah blah'. I can tell you, 'don't even think of using army as an excuse for mistreating us' (that reminds me, this quotation also applies to camp instructors, as well as leaders of Scouts, National Cadet Corps, National Police Cadet Corps, St. John Ambulance Brigade, Boy's Brigade, Girl's Brigade, National Civil Defence Cadet Corps, Red Cross, etc.), and 'too much discipline in school doesn't give you any work experience'. So I decided to follow friendship-complicated friends, also from Chinese 'B' and also like me, cannot withstand the idleness, to escape the school grounds (how I escaped is a secret!). It was a thrilling experience, as this is my 1st time resorting to such a thing. I felt a little guilty, but I thought the school deserves this kind of resentment from me. So I'm also refusing to go to school for the next 2 idling days, let's see what happens. Anyway, my 2nd reason of fury is that the holiday lessons plus the coursework time takes up THREE-QUARTERS of my school vacations away. Again, what are the teachers thinking? That we should be a NON-STOP STUDY MACHINE that doesn't need a breather? True, national exams are coming, but by exhausting us won't we be even more tired to study & think? And why did SEAB set the Design & Technology coursework deadline so early? Also, why must there be so many subjects in 1 day, and start the holiday lessons so early? It'll rather be an extension of school days and the shortening of holidays (that reminds me, there was a newspaper article about schools consuming the school holidays, printed last year, but did the public learn anything? In the article, there were also people complaining that school holidays are being misused, and there was even 1 woman who ignored the remedial schedule and took her child abroad for holiday). Now you tell me the teachers are also making an effort to improve my grades, but making me wake up so early again, and put me in the same chaotic classroom which is far from condusive, don't you think it's getting less and less worth the trouble? Speaking of trouble, do you know how troublesome it is to wear school uniform and shoes everytime I step into school grounds? You'll say 'it's for security reasons...', but aren't all the places locked up or being kept watched when no one is using the rooms? There is simply no sense used when rules and planning is made. What about the suggestion forms I wrote last month and sent it in? Were they actually read? I didn't get any response for a month already. Now who's being irresponsible? I still remember the time when I was still in kindergarten. Everytime I go in, I cried the hell out, until the teachers were stunned, my parents had a difficult time to make me stay, and I refused to wear uniforms (they were seriously ugly!). And the reluctance to go to school is carried all the way till today. This shows school life is definitely not for me, but I have to hang on because I have dreams. Dream to become free, go to universities that respect freedom, and to have a working life in a free city like New York City, or a career/lifestyle that respects freedom. But they are so far away. At least 5 years from now. By the time I'd have gone berserk already, because I have to hang on in a country that doesn't respect adolescent freedom, although I understand that it is still not as bad as the 2 Koreas, but is Singapore striving to be like that? You tell me, some questions cannot be answered, so what does that mean? I've asked a question that triggers the guilt in the authorities so much until they become speechless? If that's the case, the questions serve them right. And I'll continue to hassle until I get an answer. A good one.
OK, this is how I fared in the Mid Year Examinations:
English: 62 (B/4)
Elementary Mathematics: 61 (B/4)
Additional Mathematics: 17 (F/9)
Combined Science: 56 (C/5)
Combined Humanities: 63 (B/4)
Design & Technology: ? (B/3)
Chinese B: 61 (B/4 or Merit)
I will update the marks when I recieve my report book this Friday.
I don't think the results were up to my expectations, even though this time I failed only 1 subject, and the calculated L1R5/ELR2B2 score is getting better. If there were to be reasons for getting better, it's because I really tried harder this time, also finishing one-third of my assesment books at the same time. If there were to be reasons why it's still not good enough, it's because of problems in school and home that are pulling me downwards, as well as my depression episodes, so at least I think I deserve some credit for it, as well as some rest, which the school took away from me.
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